But since I moved to Åland this has become somewhat easier, I'm still afraid of rejection but listening to this song by Landon Austin: Ready For Anything has made me realize that I am braver than this and I'm ready to find love!
So this Saturday we had a event from my school that I was involved in and later that night I met the guys i had been checking out at school and they seemed really happy to see me, one of them even gave me a hug! (thought I was gonna die xD)
These boys are so funny and great to have around, I sat down with them and had an amazing time.
We had been drinking, I'm not gonna deny that and as the clock ticked away towards closing the after party talk started. By then my friend Rebecca had joined me and we were patiently waiting for the boys to decide where to go.
We got out coats and stood outside the bar the boys were still discussing where to go, the one that I had my eye on got restless and wanted to go home and without hesitating I left with him.
The whole way to his apartment we held hands and talked (it wasn't that far which was good since I had my very high heels on).
I ended up staying the night with this man, he asked me if it was ok if he put on a movie (he explained that it was easier for him to fall asleep). I had no objections and waited for him to pick a movie, after which he laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me.
It was so cozy to cuddle like this and I enjoyed every minute of it, the best part was whenever he'd kiss me ;) This was so close to perfect!
I fell asleep in his arms...
I haven't seen him since then, we go to the same school but he's studying a different program and he's one year above me, but as I said I've been checking him and his friends out ever since we first crossed paths (we have also been talking a few times).
Becca and I were curious to when we'd see them again (since it's so close to the end of the school year) so I checked their schedule and noticed that they only had two more days of school yesterday and today.
But I didn't see him yesterday but that's when I walked across a bulletin board where I noticed a paper I hadn't seen before with names. On closer inspection I noticed that it was a timetable for the test the boys were having and his name was last for today.
I had classes to 11.30 but have a few essays to write so I decided to stay after, I sat down at a table and started on my work.
A few minutes before his time he and another guy arrived and walked into the class, he had his suitcase with him so after he was probably going home. So there I sat feeling how my heart started beating faster, I waited for about an hour thinking about if I should go up to him and talk or just let it be..
When they came out he left, walked out the door giving me no chance to talk to him :(
'Game over' I thought and gathered my things to find a warmer place to sit (It was chilly sitting so close to the door that opened every 15 min).
I went to sit in our tower, I didn't get far before I needed to pee and there's no toilet up there so I took the elevator down to the first floor, when the doors opened I almost had an heart attack!
There he was, the perfectness I wanted to see & talk to. I was lost for words and it took a moment to find something to say but we did have a small conversation and I asked if he was going home. He said that he was not going home but on a trip and that his boat didn't leave until later today and that he was on his way up to pass some time watching tv in the tower.
I told him that I'd see him there and continued.
(OMG, He smells good!)
I'm now back in the tower and as I look at him now I would nothing else than to sit beside him with his arm wrapped around me holding me close, kissing me occasionally. But that is just a dream because he's leaving today and I haven't had the nerve to ask him when he's coming back...
He just left...
Guess I won't see him until this fall then, why didn't I just talk to him more today?
Guess I'm still afraid....
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