Moving Again

After living here in Saltvik for almost 2 years it's time to move again and this time we're moving to my boyfriends home "town" Torsholma.
The reason for moving is that a family member is sick and will need our help, so we decided to pack up and leave.
We're gonna rent a house that's close to his family and i Couldn't be more excited about getting to live in my own house and have our own yard!
This is gonna be great for the cats, they love being out in Torsholma!

About 2 weeks ago me and Becca took what I had boxed up and moved the stuff to my inlaws' "garage".
Me Johnny and Becca filled the trailer & car with boxes in 45 minutes, me and Bec made the drive to the harbor.
Took Ejdern (a ferry, takes about 2,5h) and unloaded all the stuff in just 25 minutes!

Now I've been trying to get as much stuff back home all boxed up and ready for the next load to be moved (on thursday).
My clothes have so far filled 3 big suitcases & a small one and I'm not done yet!

I'm so tired but just have to move on, thankfully my boyfriend is coming home today so we can start packing like crazy.

Can't wait for this is over!

Vacation Time!

Sitting at the airport hotel trying to get some sleep which seems very impossible right now, I have to get up in less than 3 hrs to check myself onto my flight for Amsterdam (then Atlanta -> Puerto Rico).

Getting on the boat today was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, the thought of leaving my Boyfriend killed me and when time came it was hard to hold back the tears.
I didn't cry in front of him though, I broke down on the toilet where I sobbed for a few minutes. A woman came to my stall door and asked if I was ok, damn I felt stupid at that time trying to tell her that everything was fine. My torment didn't end there, the boat had leaked some oil into the harbor so the cleaning crew had to come and do their thing & the leak had to be repaired and that took an hour..
Daniel (My BF) waited outside for a while, guess he thought they'd send us off the boat...
But they didn't, so there I was all alone aching to just run off the boat and go home with him.
This sounds lame and very ungrateful but since we got together we haven't been away from each other for more than a few days and me being the sensitive cry baby I've become can't stand this torture of being alone when I know I could be with him (or with the family).
I know the saying about distance makes the hat grow fonder or whatever but right now SUCKS!
Can't wait to get the rest of the journey started!
Better try and get some rest now, if I can cuz tomorrow's gonna be a long day!

All the love in the world to you all <3

Still Afraid..

When it comes to meeting men and finding someone that's interesting is actually easy for me, most of my friends know this but what they might not know is how hard it is for me to actually gather the courage to talk to them. For some reason this has been very hard (if not impossible) for me to do, I think it's that I'm so afraid of rejection, actually I know that this is the reason.

But since I moved to Åland this has become somewhat easier, I'm still afraid of rejection but listening to this song by Landon Austin: Ready For Anything has made me realize that I am braver than this and I'm ready to find love!

So this Saturday we had a event from my school that I was involved in and later that night I met the guys i had been checking out at school and they seemed really happy to see me, one of them even gave me a hug! (thought I was gonna die xD)

These boys are so funny and great to have around, I sat down with them and had an amazing time.

We had been drinking, I'm not gonna deny that and as the clock ticked away towards closing the after party talk started. By then my friend Rebecca had joined me and we were patiently waiting for the boys to decide where to go.

We got out coats and stood outside the bar the boys were still discussing where to go, the one that I had my eye on got restless and wanted to go home and without hesitating I left with him. 

The whole way to his apartment we held hands and talked (it wasn't that far which was good since I had my very high heels on).

I ended up staying the night with this man, he asked me if it was ok if he put on a movie (he explained that it was easier for him to fall asleep). I had no objections and waited for him to pick a movie, after which he laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me.

It was so cozy to cuddle like this and I enjoyed every minute of it, the best part was whenever he'd kiss me ;) This was so close to perfect!

I fell asleep in his arms...

I haven't seen him since then, we go to the same school but he's studying a different program and he's one year above me, but as I said I've been checking him and his friends out ever since we first crossed paths (we have also been talking a few times).

Becca and I were curious to when we'd see them again (since it's so close to the end of the school year) so I checked their schedule and noticed that they only had two more days of school yesterday and today.

But I didn't see him yesterday but that's when I walked across a  bulletin board where I noticed a paper I hadn't seen before with names. On closer inspection I noticed that it was a timetable for the test the boys were having and his name was last for today.

I had classes to 11.30 but have a few essays to write so I decided to stay after, I sat down at a table and started on my work.

A few minutes before his time he and another guy arrived and walked into the class, he had his suitcase with him so after he was probably going home. So there I sat feeling how my heart started beating faster, I waited for about an hour thinking about if I should go up to him and talk or just let it be..

When they came out he left, walked out the door giving me no chance to talk to him :(

'Game over' I thought and gathered my things to find a warmer place to sit (It was chilly sitting so close to the door that opened every 15 min).

I went to sit in our tower, I didn't get far before I needed to pee and there's no toilet up there so I took the elevator down to the first floor, when the doors opened I almost had an heart attack!

There he was, the perfectness I wanted to see & talk to. I was lost for words and it took a moment to find something to say but we did have a small conversation and I asked if he was going home. He said that he was not going home but on a trip and that his boat didn't leave until later today and that he was on his way up to pass some time watching tv in the tower.

I told him that I'd see him there and continued.

(OMG, He smells good!)

I'm now back in the tower and as I look at him now I would nothing else than to sit beside him with his arm wrapped around me holding me close, kissing me occasionally. But that is just a dream because he's leaving today and I haven't had the nerve to ask him when he's coming back...

He just left...

Guess I won't see him until this fall then, why didn't I just talk to him more today?

Guess I'm still afraid.... 

The Ideal Man..

I know he's out there!
Many time's now I've found men that are pretty close, never really became anything of it but it has given me hope that he is out there.
Small things that happen around me and things I see on tv have once again reminded me of what I want in a man..
It's the small things that would make me happy, like when we go to bed that he'd hold me until I fall asleep, just watching a movie and cuddling. Leaving small notes with cute messages, oh god I sound cheesy xD
Maybe this is a little demanding of me now that I think of it :P
But his has happened to me in the past, so I know that he's out there.
What else?
oh yes he has to have a goal in life, I'd love for him to be hardworking and driven!

In the end all I want is to be loved just the way I am.

Making Monday's easier!

Want something to look forward to ladies?
Well let me tell you about my new blog called Alina's Man Crush Monday where as you might have guessed I'll be posting pictures of a cute/hot guy every monday and tell you how I "found" him and some info about him.
Here's the link, feel free to follow it and see what I have in store for you ;)

AlinasMCM

Also feel free to comment and follow me on instagram :D

Thats all for now
Love
Alina

It can only get better...

Wow, I really need to calm down here..
These past few months have been crazy with party nights and way to much fun :P
Even though I enjoy the late boozed up nights as much as the next young person but I need to face the facts that I am getting older and more tired because of this.
I may have also gotten a bit more crazy but who knows!

Tomorrow it's valentine's day. YEEEEIIII.... or Not!
I've never actually liked this holiday, mostly because I have never had anyone to spend it with.. But then yesterday it hit me it's not just about love between you and your loved one but also about friends.
How have I not thought about this before?
Yeah sure I've gotten my friends gifts and cards but I've always been bummed about not having a boyfriend to cuddle and spend this loved filled day with. But this year I'm gonna spend it with friends and then me, Rebecca and Ida are taking a boat home.

And after all that's said and done, the way I've been treated by the man I thought that I was in love with maybe spending this day with friends is a good alternative?

So maybe this year will be better?


I have to believe that everything happens for a reason!

//
Alina

My Misstake

Talked to a few people who know this guy i spent Saturday night with and some of them suspected that something had happened and now I feel even worse..
I saw him today, we had this thing at school where different companies visited to tell us about the job opportunities they have (and that they could meet us)
I was home sick today but this was too important to miss so I went there and upon arriving at school I was nervous because I knew there was a chance he'd be there.
When I got into the elevator I tried calming my nerves but failed miserably, the first thing I saw when the elevator doors opened were a few of my friends and as I stood beside them one of them whispered to me that he was there.
God my heart sped up and I felt lightheaded (really pathetic).
I asked her where he was and she pointed to behind a bookshelf, I took a few steps so that it wasn't in the way and as she had said there he was, sitting in a couch with a few friends..
I had hoped seeing him would make me dislike him or something but it didn't, it just made everything worse!
He still looked so nice, why couldn't he be ugly or something? No I was still attracted to him, the connection I felt was still there. I remembered how his arms felt around me, his body right there behind me, his lips on mine and that beautiful smile of his...

Don't know if I'm paranoid but it felt like he was watching me at one point, part of me hopes that he was and that his thoughts were along the line 'God I want her, how can I get her' or even 'should I go talk to her'
He didn't say a word to me, he didn't even acknowledge me. Of course I'm a little to blame there since I avoided him as much as possible. Still if he really wanted to talk to me he would've tried, I'm not the one who hid the truth and I definitely didn't fool him in any way.
I was the one who got fooled here and the way I learned the truth was the worst possible.

I look at the empty spot beside me wishing that there was someone there, when I walk out the door why can't he be standing there or when I'm at the bar why can't he just come walking in?

I crash and burn too fast!
It's always been my problem, falling for guys way to fast and then when it ends or things go to shit I'm sad :(
I just don't like being alone and down here I don't have the same support as back home. There's this one person who has always been there whenever things have gone to shit but as I said she's not here (and right now I'd really need you.) Sure I can call but it's not the same as having you right here next to me.

I really need to change, but it's so hard believe me I have tried..

It was only just a dream...

//Alina

P.s If you're confused I understand but I guess this blog is more for me. It's a way for me to vent and work things out. I could do this on the computer just for myself but I'd start questioning why I do it, it's easier to motivate myself with the thought of someone (that think their life sucks) reading this and maybe they'd feel less alone by reading about my fucked up life (right now anyway, it'll get better I know it but right now it seems hopeless)