My Misstake

Talked to a few people who know this guy i spent Saturday night with and some of them suspected that something had happened and now I feel even worse..
I saw him today, we had this thing at school where different companies visited to tell us about the job opportunities they have (and that they could meet us)
I was home sick today but this was too important to miss so I went there and upon arriving at school I was nervous because I knew there was a chance he'd be there.
When I got into the elevator I tried calming my nerves but failed miserably, the first thing I saw when the elevator doors opened were a few of my friends and as I stood beside them one of them whispered to me that he was there.
God my heart sped up and I felt lightheaded (really pathetic).
I asked her where he was and she pointed to behind a bookshelf, I took a few steps so that it wasn't in the way and as she had said there he was, sitting in a couch with a few friends..
I had hoped seeing him would make me dislike him or something but it didn't, it just made everything worse!
He still looked so nice, why couldn't he be ugly or something? No I was still attracted to him, the connection I felt was still there. I remembered how his arms felt around me, his body right there behind me, his lips on mine and that beautiful smile of his...

Don't know if I'm paranoid but it felt like he was watching me at one point, part of me hopes that he was and that his thoughts were along the line 'God I want her, how can I get her' or even 'should I go talk to her'
He didn't say a word to me, he didn't even acknowledge me. Of course I'm a little to blame there since I avoided him as much as possible. Still if he really wanted to talk to me he would've tried, I'm not the one who hid the truth and I definitely didn't fool him in any way.
I was the one who got fooled here and the way I learned the truth was the worst possible.

I look at the empty spot beside me wishing that there was someone there, when I walk out the door why can't he be standing there or when I'm at the bar why can't he just come walking in?

I crash and burn too fast!
It's always been my problem, falling for guys way to fast and then when it ends or things go to shit I'm sad :(
I just don't like being alone and down here I don't have the same support as back home. There's this one person who has always been there whenever things have gone to shit but as I said she's not here (and right now I'd really need you.) Sure I can call but it's not the same as having you right here next to me.

I really need to change, but it's so hard believe me I have tried..

It was only just a dream...

//Alina

P.s If you're confused I understand but I guess this blog is more for me. It's a way for me to vent and work things out. I could do this on the computer just for myself but I'd start questioning why I do it, it's easier to motivate myself with the thought of someone (that think their life sucks) reading this and maybe they'd feel less alone by reading about my fucked up life (right now anyway, it'll get better I know it but right now it seems hopeless)